Percy Jackson and Tide Pods
by Cooljoanna18
Summary: "Excuse me?" Questioned the son of Poseidon. "This is our new threat to the demigods! Tide-pods!" inspired by CollegeHumor tide pod commercial


"Excuse me?" Questioned the son of Poseidon. "This is our new threat to the demigods! Tide-pods!"

Percy's nose scrunches up in distaste as he picked up one of the threats and sniffed it.

"I agree," Hazel said. "I fail to see how it looks like candy. And how do they even open the thing? It has to be impossible trying to open it with your teeth if you're a kid!"

The cabin leaders plus a few others were together trying to discuss the recent increase is poison control at the healing halls. Apparently, mortal stupidity is contagious. Yet, Percy had so much hope in humanity. After all, they made pizza.

Will decide to take over,"Doesn't matter why, Hazel, only how to stop it."

"You really think a commercial is going to help?"

One that has Percy stands up and saying 'Hey kids! You're only making the monsters life simpler when you kill yourself!'

"We're going to promote other brands from Tide. A demigod version. Leo volunteer to work on it."

With that said a half-asleep Leo jerked up. "Hmm… Yaay! I got a bunch of cool ideas and products. Just need your face of approving."

Stepping up Leo made his way to the seated Percy. "While I would do it with me as the star. It's been apparently proving that cute faces resembling a baby seal grab the audience. Something you obtain."

"What." deadpan Percy.

Jason shrugged. "He has a point. All in favor of Percy being the new demigod spokesmen for Tide."

Everyone raised their hand. "Traitors" muttered Percy.

As the meeting dispersed Percy headed towards Leo. " I don't even know what to say" exclaimed Percy.

Leo played with his toolbelt. "No worries man, just read the screen in front of you. Leave the words to me"

It didn't stop the dread building up in Percy. This was just not going to end well. On the upside was Annabeth thought it was cool to be in a commercial.

-you sir, are a ray of sunshine-

"Hi my fellow demigods, my name is Percy Jackson."

Percy was seated on a chair behind a simple white screen. He crossed one of his legs over. Completely relax, he gave his best smile to the camera ahead.

(Take 1)

"I'm the new spokesperson for the company that makes Tide, thus it's corollary product Tide Pods. Which is what I wanna talk to you about today."

Percy looked carefully to read the words of the screen.

Making a face Percy shook his head, laughing lightly. "Ya gotta stop eating the Tide Pods, Okay?"

Yep, Leo definitely wrote the script. "Look, I get it, you guys are young, you're hip. You don't want an older demigod telling you what to do."

"But Tide Pods are soap", he looked directly at the camera pointing. "And that's not food."

The music still played pleasantly in the background.

"So please, stop eating the Tide Pods."

OK so far so good. All he had to do now is to just promote the new products Leo added.

"And make sure to keep an eye out for Cascade Dish Pops, the lollipop that cleans your dishes…."

Wait… lollipops?

Percy sat up straight hoping he misheard. "That lolli… Uh, c-could we stop, could we, sorry…"

The crew behind scenes stop the music. That's good now we can address the problem at hand.

"Are we calling it a lollipop? I'd love to see one, if I could, just get it. If we could fly one in?"

A young girl with braided brown hair brought forth cascade dish pod put on a stick. Yeah, it looks like a lollipop.

So this is how it's going to be. Great.

Percy laughs breathlessly with a hint of hysteria.

(Take 2)

The pleasant guitar music started and Percy began to read from the screen.

"Our company has been innovating new products since it was founded, and we're proud to continue that tradition with our Vicks Vaporub Winter Blast gum-flavored Bonbons."

Smiling at the camera Percy opens the container and pour out some of the product. He looks down only to see Red and white pieces of… candy? His jaw opens slightly in disbelief. He brought it close to examine. He didn't notice how the music stopped. It smelled like Vicks but looked a lot like…..

"Do do these look just like mints, like dinner mints?" whispered Percy with uncertainty. "I'm lookin' at it, and man that looks like a mint to me."

He looks up trying to catch the attention of some the people around him.

"I mean, am I crazy?"

Leo sat in the directors' chair. "Naw man. It's just the same as Tide Pods."

Percy's mind was befuddled. "What do you mean the same as Tide Pods?"

His mind raced back to what he said during the commercial.

"I also don't understand, now that we're talking about it, what does 'gum-flavored' mean in this context? Bubblegum flavored? Gum taste like anything."

This is a terrible idea.

(Break)

Percy was lost in thought. How was this going to help the tide pods situation? It was only going to escalate it.

He rubbed his mouth before saying offhandedly,"We're gonna get our damn hides handed to us in court."

He saw the girl with the brown hair next to the camera.

"You're not rolling on this, are you?"

(Take 3)

This time Percy had to demonstrate from the chair. On the side table was the product and on his lap was a gray bucket.

"Forget dryer sheets, with Grain brand dryer powder, you simply pour the powder into the mixer"- he started to dump it in the bucket- you take your dryer stick right here and…."

The dryer stick was pulled out and surrounding it was pink fluff.

"...This is cotton candy."

Everything was at a cut.

"Am I the jerk?" question Percy. "Like, how do you not get...We, can we just cut? Can you cut the camera real quick?" Percy ends it is a rant trying to look for Leo.

Of course, Leo was nowhere to be found on set. Instead, the teenage girl with the brown hair was there. He tried to talk to her as respectfully as possible but may have come out more hostile.

"I, I'm trying to understand right now how this happened. I've been working my behind on this stupid Tide Pods fiasco, and I turn my back for three seconds, and now the entire line of products is shaped like freaking candy. And I'm trying to understand how this happens… Why are you crying?"

The girl was openly crying obviously intimidated by the hero of Olympus.

(Take three)

He was holding a tampon to the camera. No longer sitting relax. He wanted nothing more than to get this over with.

"With Tampax push-cicles, you get to choose between chilly cherry, frosty fruit punch, or ice cold cranberry."

Flavors. Now they were at flavors. He held his hand up to stop everything.

"We….okay, not only should none of these be flavored, because…why would you flavor them? BUT ALSO, this is the coldest thing I've ever held. AND, as in everything else today, People will try to eat these!"

He held up the tampon at the end of his rant.

"Even if they're not poisonous, we don't want people eating damn tampons!"

Of course, Leo decided to walk in hearing the end of his conversation

"Those are poisonous" informed a smiling Leo.

"WHY ARE THEY POISONOUS?"

(Take 4)

Takes a deep breath. Dead with emotion, Percy started to speak. A new diaper on his lap.

"You'll go cuckoo for cleanliness with our cocoa butter premium Pampers brand choc...So the kids eat sh*t. Right?"

He looks briefly down in a diaper.

"That's what this is, the kids, they eat sh*t."

He gesture to diaper. "It's chocolate, diaper, poop"

He helps it up to examine. Then decides to open the diaper.

"Let see here, ope, there it is!"

A suspicious brown substance was on the diaper apparently the cocoa butter.

"Is it chocolate? Is it poop? Do we care? Does anyone care? Who knows? who gives a Hoover dam, right?"

There was no way Percy was going to promote this. "I'm not gonna do this product, so we'll be moving on."

(Take 5)

"Sirens underpants….. okay."

Sitting up Percy it holds up the toothpaste towards the camera.

"Try Crest brand dinner paste, for the hungry consumer on the go.."

No way...there is no way…..

"throw a fluoride-filed meal bag in your gullet?"

Stopping everything that was going on Percy unscrewed the toothpaste. Holding it up to his nose he sniffed.

"Oh, fu-"

It's smelled just as you expect.

Opening up his right palm he squeezes the toothpaste onto it. Instead of a normal white paste, there was brown clearly crushed food as the paste. He felt brief rage rush through him.

"SO WE DO MAKE FOOD. So we do now make food. Meal bag."

Why would that word even be used?

Of course, Leo took the time to write his death sentence.

"'Meal bag' tested very well," said, Leo, as he lifts his hands in defense.

Eye twitch and a glare.

"I'll kill you."

(Take 6)

Percy tried to explain to Leo why this was all such a bad idea.

"It doesn't matter if we make the day, because none of this is gonna be usable. Do you understand?"

The girl crept to the side and place a burger on the table next to Percy. He looked down baffled.

"That's a hamburger."

"It's a razor" spoke soon-to-be-dead Leo.

"THAT'S a razor?" Pointed Percy. Leo nodded.

"That's a" he looks down at it closely, "-Gillette razor?"

Sitting up, Percy signals one of the crew members.

"Bring me shaving cream right now"

Minutes later Percy's face was covered in shaving cream.

"And if it doesn't shave my face, it's your life on the line. You get that right?"

Leo nods in confidence.

"Here we go"

Bring it down one side of his face the burger… shaved his face perfectly.

"Oh, fates."

Percy looks at it in respect and amazement.

"That is a killer shave. That is like baby's bottom smooth."

Holding the burger up Percy had to give Leo props.

"The other stuff, I don't know about, but this is… The hamburger is working for me"

 **A.N- I took this from one of the CollegeHumor tide pods commercials. That one curses more but you guys should definitely see it. You have to see the facial reaction of that dude. Anyway, I like the idea of imaging Percy and Leo in that video.**

 **Tell me if you like it or not**

 **Comment**

 **Vote/ kudos**

 **Cooljoanna18 out**


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